


Blighted Love

by Espadara



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, FuckedUpTBH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27322717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Espadara/pseuds/Espadara
Summary: Anders flees from Kirkwall as Justice tears away at his mind, eventually finding refuge in the Nest...and with someone he had long thought dead. Anders/Mother oneshot fic, seriously don't get pissed off if you're disgusted by reading this.
Relationships: Anders/Hawke (Dragon Age), Anders/The Mother
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Blighted Love

**AN: Bit of context for this one. We were discussing crack pairings on the r/dragonage discord, and someone brought up Anders/The Mother. I offered to make a fic about it to assert my dominance, but it quickly spiraled from cracky 'haha Anders likes The Mother' to...this.**

**While there's nothing explicit, this is still a story about a man who has lost his mind forming a (possibly) sexual relationship with a Darkspawn. So...yeah.**

The sun had scarcely dipped beneath the horizon, covering the world in darkness, when Anders stepped foot in the Dragonbone Wastes. It was a place that he hadn't been to in years, outside of frenzied flashbacks and whispers from the corner of his mind.

Part of him idly wondered at what had brought him back, but no part of him had an answer, and at this point he honestly didn't _care_ what the answer was. Things had gone too far, and not far enough, and nothing was _clear_ to him anymore, no matter how many justifications and rationalizations and 'what ifs' came to his mind.

But...it wasn’t really _his_ mind anymore, now was it? Every second of every minute of _every damn day_ Justice was bombarding his thoughts, (though was it Vengeance now? Some days it was tougher to convince himself), giving him frenzied flashbacks and cruel whispers in the midst of his own hazed thoughts.

He had thought destroying the Chantry would be the changing point for him and Justice, that they and all the Mages would be free. But it wasn’t...oh Maker, it wasn’t. For a time after the explosion he thought he and Justice had finally become _one,_ a singular being that could become the true martyr for the Mage Revolution.

And then Hawke had spared him. Hawke, who had always listened. Hawke, who encouraged him to merge with Justice. Hawke, who he manipulated using their love to help him. Hawke had looked at him with such despair, but had _let him go_ ...and it was the greatest punishment he could have ever received. Justice had returned, spouting obscenities and ripping apart his mind at the seams, because their plan had _failed._ The Mages didn’t rise up in a glorious revolution, the common people weren’t waking up to the oppression of the mages, and the Templars were beginning to crack down to an extent never before seen.

And through all these thoughts, there was an undercurrent of this place; a place back when everything was clear, when he and Justice were just _him_ and _Justice_ and not this horrible combination that couldn’t even keep itself on the right track. 

He walked through Drake’s Fall, idly noting the Tevinter architecture but unable to put any feelings into the sight. An Empire ruled by Mages, _for_ Mages, reduced to ruins. He could feel Justice stirring at the sight, and rage filled his being for the potential history that could have been had the Empire never have fallen. Would common people be the ones stuck as cattle, ready to be herded and culled for a misfortune of birth? It was a fate that most of this time would deserve.

Finally reaching the end, he took stock of the surroundings, a small smile coming to his face as he confirmed the location had been abandoned for some time. Wardens would leave trails and caches, of some sort, and it was good that no signs of them had been found. Being so close to the Ferelden Order was not ideal, but it was a place that most would not expect to find him in, and the few expecting him in Ferelden would never dream of him in such a cursed place.

It looked like the perfect place to hide out, he thought to himself, before he noticed the cracked remains of a mirror in the middle of the cavern. He was shocked to find an Eluvian in this place, remembering how obsessed Merril was over fixing the one she held possession of, and the consequences that came from it. Luckily the one here looked damaged beyond repair, but he still kept a wary eye on it as he sat upon the steps.

He closed his eyes, trying to find a moment of peace in the brief pauses of Justice’s rage, and so focused on this task was he that he didn’t notice the sound of movement coming from the nearby pit. It was a squelching sound that made one nauseous upon hearing it, and it was only when he heard the sound of glass being crushed and saw a shadow bloom over him did he deign to look behind himself.

"What is this...? A little Grey Warden, come back to the Nest, but it’s not _my_ nest anymore, no no no, not since the Warden and the Father _killed_ all of my innocent Children!” A beast that Anders thought long dead was standing there, a deathly pale woman with long dirty black hair stretching to her back, and completely nude...and how Anders hated it. The beast had several pairs of breasts going down its body; the first two pairs on the human half looked normal, but from the waist on the body became disgustingly slug-like, with thick tentacles weakly flopping on the ground.

Anders cursed at the appearance of the creature; how could it be here, alive? Had the Hero of Ferelden not killed it?! “I thought the Hero of Ferelden killed you!”  
  
“Oh, he tried, oh yes, tried to kill me like he killed my precious children. But a mother is soooo much stronger than one thinks, and I am a Mother!” The Mother crowed, happily insane. Anders readied magic in his hand, ready to blast it kingdom come, but the Mother slammed a tentacle at him, trapping him on the floor.

“Ugh!”

“Now now, no magic here, little warden, not in _this_ nest, no no no...” The Mother whispered, the tentacle pressing down on him harder.

Anders felt his ribs cracking beneath the immense pressure, until his mind snapped under the strain. Blue light radiated from his eyes, and Justice roared a cry of defiance. “ **ENOUGH!”** He shouted, blasting off the tentacle with a burst of magic. The Mother recoiled in pain and fear, and Justice grabbed Anders’ staff and aimed it at the beast...but hesitated.

Sure, the disgusting creature had ordered the death of Kristoff and countless others...but what did any of that matter? Did any of them fight for the plight of Mages? Did any of them suffer the wrath of Templars? Why should Justice avenge any of _them_ , if they stood by while innocent Mages suffered?

He looked at the pathetic beast in front of him; a disgusting creature that lived only for slaughter, but was she not focused on the Grey Wardens? The Grey Wardens, who no doubt had the strength to save so many Mages, to strike a blow against the chantry far greater than Justice and Anders combined...the Grey Wardens who let Templars join them solely to keep Anders and Justice contained, to prevent them from carrying out their most important undertaking.

What did Justice owe any of them? And...in the back of his mind, pressed by Justice’s control of his body...Anders wondered the same thing. Plans were already moving in his head, concocted by them both, of how to take advantage of the present situation, for the plight of the Mages was always present and must always be fought against. She was a tool to be used, and any tool against the Templars was a welcome one.

“ **Rise, creature.”** Justice ordered, lowering his--Anders’--staff. The Mother looked at him in wonder, slowly rising back to her full height, towering over the spirit. Justice looked straight at her, unwavering at the height difference, for he knew when it came to power _he_ was the one in charge.

“You...do not attack The Mother? But why? Is that not what a Warden _does,_ slaughtering The Mother and her beloved?” The once human pondered aloud, looking confused by this act of mercy.

Justice scowled in Anders’ skin. “ **I am no Grey Warden. I am** **_Justice,_ ** **and I see no justice in killing you as you are now.** ” He declared, relinquishing control back to Anders. The ex-warden looked warily up at The Mother now that control was granted back to him, but The Mother simply looked pensive and, incredibly, rather quiet. Anders retreated to another corner of the room, keeping one eye on the insane Broodmother, determined to get some rest while Justice’s rants had subsided.

It was a strange way of living for Anders, ever since coming to hide in the Nest. Rats and other small animals would sometimes come in, which he would zap with magic and chow down; compared to the gruel in Darktown, overcooked rats were practically fine dining. He still kept an eye on The Mother, but she seemed so far content to ignore him and rant to herself about The Father and her dead Darkspawn.

Justice had been remarkably quiet since the first night he had arrived, and Anders was thanking every moment for the silence. A half faded memory came to mind of the last time he let Justice take control, the strange plans being thought up, but just as quickly as he caught hold of the thought it slipped through his fingers, and he supposed it didn’t really matter.

All that mattered was the Mages, and his next plan to free them. He scratched his face, the third time he’d done so in the past ten minutes, and ignored his bloody fingertips to go back to thinking, silently humming a song under his breath. The Mother let out a particularly annoying screech, finally breaking Anders out of his thoughts. “What do you want?!”  
  
The Mother cried black sludgy tears, glaring at him. “How can you expect to know the grief of a mother who has lost her child, or the grief of The Mother who has lost her Children? Leave me alone, Grey Warden! To cry for the lost Children is all I have left...it is the only thing to fill the silence...”

“If you miss your Darkspawn so much, just _make_ more! You’re a Broodmother!” Anders shouted back, so annoyed by her frequent ranting that he didn’t even care he had told a Broodmother to just make more Darkspawn; he had accepted he was no longer a Grey Warden years ago, and honestly this was just icing compared to killing his fellow members so long ago.

The Mother looked at him as though _he_ were the crazy one and not her. “Foolish Warden, doesn’t even know how the Children are _made_ . I must _eat_ to make the Children, eat the limbs and bones and CRUNCH them down to paste, yes, make family into Children, yes....” She began crying harder this time, and Anders flinched back. With her dark hair and pale skin, she almost looked like...

He got up quickly, not even wondering why he was wasting this much time and effort on a creature like The Mother, Justice suspiciously silent. “If I find you some Darkspawn to make into Children, will you _shut up?_ ” He questioned, already grabbing his staff. Acknowledging the Mother’s fervent promises with a dismissive wave, he set off into the nearest tunnel, falling back to his Grey Warden senses that seemed...stronger than before. It was a simple matter for him to locate some wayward Genlocks, paralyze them, then move them back to the Nest.

The Mother wasted no time in grabbing the still conscious Genlocks, nearly knocking Anders down, and her face split in five as she began taking bites of the Darkspawn. Anders barely held down his vomit, focusing instead on the peace and quiet he’d hopefully get from...

Wait...did he just bring Darkspawn to The Mother, to make more Darkspawn? Why would he...

He snapped back to reality, a migraine already coming into effect, as he looked at the blood covered visage of the Mother. She looked at him in a new light, smiling in what could be called ‘seductively’ were it on anything other than a disgusting slug-like ghoul covered in blood and Darkspawn guts. “You brought me food to make Children, Warden. You know what this means, yes? You are the new Father now, oh yes, much better than the _old_ Father, who didn’t care for making _more_ of our kind. But _you’re_ different, oh yes, because our Children will grow up and know each of us, as their Mother and the Father.”

Part of Anders wanted to vomit, wanted to strike down The Mother _now_ before he did anything else he regretted...but a larger part, a _growing_ part, was none too displeased with the idea. A flash of blue in his eyes, and his lips moved...”That sounds wonderful.”

* * *

He looked out at the growing horde of grub-like Darkspawn, chittering around the Nest. Some had tried to attack him, in the beginning, but had been roughly swatted down by The Mother for daring to attack The Father...because that is what he was now called, and had learned to live with the name, because being The Father had made The Mother less abrasive towards him, and as much as it made him want to vomit and beg the Maker for mercy, he knew a happy Mother was easier to deal with than an angry Mother, especially after he had made the absolutely idiotic decision to help her make Children.

He still didn’t know _why_ he had done such a thing, but every time he tried to think _back_ to that time, something always seemed to distract him even when it shouldn’t! The breathing of The Mother, a stray drop of rain, even the sound of a rat running from across the Nest broke him out of his recollection! Part of him was beginning to worry that it was Justice...no, _Vengeance_ who was doing this...but it was always smothered before it could truly take root.

He cast his gaze back to The Mother, and his eyes had to have been playing tricks on him again, because she was looking more and more like _Hawke_ every day that it was driving him _insane,_ and he could feel the tainted blood in his veins reacting to her, getting stronger day by day. He feared what he would do when he fully became a ghoul, and judging by his reflection in the nearby pond, he wouldn’t have long to go; the Taint was spreading fast in him, faster than in most recruits, and he grimly pondered whether Justice’s presence in his body had something to do with it...

But there were more important things to worry about, as he looked down at the gathered Children with a flicker of blue in his eyes. The Children were gaining strength every day, and more Darkspawn were wandering closer to the Nest in recent months. But Anders knew such an army would not last long against the might of the Grey Wardens, so he cast his memory back to lessons he had picked up in Kirkwall. Shithole that it was, there was no denying that demonic summoning were extremely easy to come by.

He cut his wrist, to the surprise of The Mother who let out a shriek at him being cut, but he ignored her to focus on the Ritual. His eyes turned blue as Justice exerted his spiritual power upon the Veil, already weakened from when Tevinter ruled. A host of Demons sprung up, several Rage Demons, and even a demon of Despair. Justice exerted his will again, and the eyes of the summoned demons turned blue as they were bound to _his_ will.

While the demons shuffled off to a corner where they wouldn’t be disturbed, Justice went back into the recesses of Anders’ mind, leaving him to fall to a knee at the strain of the ritual. He didn’t know what possessed him to do such a thing as insane as demon summoning, but...he _did_ know, didn’t he...?

His thoughts were interrupted as a tentacle wrapped around him and The Mother brought him close to herself, pressing him against her naked body, fretting over him injuring himself. He was so exhausted that he just let himself sink into her cleavage, barely paying attention to the Child spraying some kind of silk on his wound. He just stayed there, pressed up against The Mother’s chest, listening to her heartbeat...and thinking of Hawke.

* * *

The Calling was in his head, driving him insane, and he _didn’t know what to do._

It was in every moment he was awake, it was in his dreams, it was in the words of Justice and the condemnations of Vengeance and the piercing stares of The Mother who was Hawke and a Darkspawn all in one. 

**“The time has come, Anders.”**

“W-what?” Anders whispered, barely able to hear the statement above the constant singing in his skull.

**“On that day, so long ago, you accepted my aid with much courage. But in your condition, you can no longer cast down the Templars. Stand aside, and let me take control fully.”** Vengeance said--and it was Vengeance, Anders knew, because Justice would _never_ do such a thing as take someone’s body like _this_.

“N-no. I don’t know what you did but--” Anders said, trying to fight back, but Vengeance was pressing in from all sides, slamming into his psyche with all the force he possessed in Kristoff’s body...and Anders’ mind, already battered and cracked from all the trauma he had endured, and the Calling in his skull pounding away constantly, gave way.

Blue light shown from Anders as Vengeance took control fully, gazing upon his gathered army. True seekers of Justice the world had never before seen...He cast his gaze at them all, extending his magic--and the Magic of the Calling--to each of them in turn, flickers of blue light appearing in their eyes as his magic bound them to him.

He strode forward to The Mother’s side, who was now as obedient as any Broodmother under the siren song of the Old Gods. He laid Anders’ lips upon her own, remembering the memories of Kristoff and his wife, and looked upon their gathered ‘Children’.

He knew Anders would be but the first casualty of many in this new endeavor against the tyranny of the Chantry. But he swore the oppressed _would_ have vengeance. Whether they wanted to or not.

**“If I can not break the chains that bind my people,** ” the demon began, crackling with energy as his army stood up to march, “ **Then I shall tear down the walls they are chained** ** _to._** _”_

  


**AN: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!**


End file.
